LockerVLOGS YouTube channel: latest video titled “Channel update, news and this week’s Q&A’s”
<<A YouTube video begins to play. An introduction animation runs with various scrolling beats. It zooms out to show in a large, bold font the title “LockerVLOGS”. Sponsor logos and faded highlight footage play to a loud and energetic dubstep. The video snaps into frame showing a young 20-something standing animatedly in front of a blank green-screen set-up, he gestures a lot with his hands. He’s tall, slim, with caramel-coloured skin under a custom set of ‘Rugby under-armor™’ and a translucent visor. The body armour is covered in logos, bold colours and various advertising livery.>>
“Hey guys, how’s it going? It’s your man, Locker here with a new vid’ for you to enjoy. Now this isn’t quite as exciting as this–”
<<Quick cut to several seconds-long vines1 of GoPro camera shots showing street-level crime fighting highlights with extra edited-in sound effects and several current memes. The footage shows first-person POV, non-meta criminal takedowns by vigilantes, using various commercially available policing and security equipment. The quick cut footage pans back to “Locker”.>>
“But it’s still pretty cool! Check this out! Ha ha!–”
<<Locker holds up a HCP licence card, it’s ultra-zoomed in and the details are blurred out, only the ‘Licensed by the Ministry of Powers’ legend on the bottom of the card stands out clearly.>>
“Yeah, that’s right. I finally took the test and got my licence! You know what that means?”
<<Quick cut to fan-art of several famous, clickbait, lycra-clad meta-criminals swooning.>>
“Oh yeah, I’m on Trouble Alert talkin’ one-to-one with Dispatch, I’m on HeroNet, you name it. So stay out of trouble kids! Keep your crime limited to your funky video games! Now before I continue, I gotta’ give a huge thank you to my various worldwide sponsors.”
<<A pause while the screen pans again to a complex set of equipment displayed on impressive industrial styled racks. Lighting effects make it appear dramatically shiny.>>
“None of my videos or work would not be possible without the ingenuity and hard work of our policing and personal security equipment research and production firms. Don’t try any of this at home, but if you value your safety, there’s no better value than these products, my friends. I’m living testament to that, ha ha! You too can be the hero of your own situation! Click on the links here,”
<<He points, and where he points to, there’s a link that pops up.>>
“or in the video description below. Use the code: “LockerSentMe” at the checkout for a discount and some sick, free stickers!
Now, you may have seen one of my recent videos – an awesome collaboration with Tony who does work with The Balance here in Wessex. Super talented, very friendly guy, it was awesome to meet him. He’s an inspiration.”
<<Thumb-nail video plays in the background, it’s of Locker, super-imposed into various historical meta encounters and their footage, though it’s made clear (in small letters scrolling across the bottom of the screen) it’s just a fictional mashup.>>
“Now, it’s only early days, I’ve only just got my plastic an’ all, but I’ve still sent out a few feeler applications to a few teams here and there, but– we’ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime”, <<he wears a wry smile>> “we’ll see if we can make some more content and gifs for you thirsty internets. If you think you know where I’ll go or who I’ll join? Leave a comment and in a few years we can either laugh or cry together. Aah.”
The screen fades to black for a few seconds before a series of logos, Dalton Technologies being the most prominent, start to appear on the screen followed by Locker reappearing in front of the camera.
“It’s that time again, thank you; YouTube Comment Section, you’ve been wonderful to read as always.” <<Zooms into his face and his mouth to highlight his amused sarcasm>>
“AlwaysCold31, you’re our giveaway winner for last week. Check your PM box and get ready for some goodies to be delivered to your door! Make sure you like, share, subscribble and comment for your chance to win your own Locker’s Mystery Box of goodies!
Just check out the reaction videos, they’re awesome. You will definitely want one of those.”
“OK. Q&A time! <<Elevator music plays as the screen is rotated with each question.>>
No. I’m not going to tell you my real name, that’d be super dumb. You definitely didn’t know me in high school girl, so quit it!
No. I’m still not a meta, stop reminding me. <<Fakes ugly cries.>>
Yes. I’m happily insured, thank you for your concern. No, I don’t want to switch.
No, I haven’t contracted Sugma or Ligma2. Sad!
No, I haven’t killed or seriously maimed anyone. Weird edgelords3 ask me that every week, I swea—
No, I’m not a crisis actor and no, my clips aren’t staged. What is this?
No more questions! <<darkens his visor.>>”
“Well, that’s all I have time for this week. If you’ve got time, go check out some of my partner channels for some more awesome videos like this one” <<Link appears>> “or this one!” <<Another link appears>>. “I gotta’ go to work! Catch you later YouTubers and see you on the streets, scumbags.”
<<The camera pans, and credits roll as Locker begins the process of donning his full kit to the soundtrack of their intro / outro music.>>
Annie switched off the clip as Frankie’ automatically uploaded this Locker’s HeroNET records to her primary screen: “Locker – Recent HCP graduate, a young, gung-ho male human, trained and equipped with the latest and most heavy-duty of policing and personal security devices. Not to be confused with a Battlesuit archetype hero, more akin to a Crimefighter archetype. He considers himself of a kind of crime-fighting “professional athlete”. Locker is sponsored to produce video content for YouTube and fosters an online community of followers. He’s been known to attend product and law conventions to speak on panels, and recently he’s been added as a bonus character model in a tactical combat simulator game.”
“Weird,” thought Annie as she checked the download for viruses and concealed malware. “Who on the team had requested a search for this?” This was the third YouTube video of ‘Locker’ – weird name, wonder why they’d chosen it? – to arrive, marked for full team distribution. She checked the Search/Request parameters expecting it to be from Adam (given the Tony connection mentioned in the clip) but to her surprise discovered that it had been Sam who’d set it up before his disappearance. What interest would he have in this ‘Locker’?
She distributed it to the team mailboxes as requested, knowing full well that when she returned, Mary would never bother watching it. Jeeves would though; he enjoyed this kind of thing. As for Akira, who knew what went through his head these days! Almost as an afterthought, she added it to the several newly created team mailboxes and checked her timetable. Young Mary, no better get into the habit of referring to her as Illustrious now she was with the Aontacht Éire Beta Team, was due anytime and she and Adam (or was that Adam and I?) had still to complete the test run of the Banshee 2.0!
She rushed towards the door only pausing for a second to touch the frame of the picture beside her worktop, a picture of her and Sam standing together at Comic-Con.
1 Vine – Vine was a social media app that people used to make 6 second videos. It eventually became so popular that the videos themselves came to be known as vines.
2 Ligma and sugma – phrases used as a setup for a popular joke among kids. The response to what is ligma/sugma, is “Ligma (sexual organ)” (lick my…) or “sugma” (suck my…).
3 Edgelord – a person who tries to be edgy, confrontational.
Superhero Adventures, UK Style 