Superhero Adventures, UK Style

This takes place less than a week after St. Kilda

Custard pies! Whose idea had that been, he wondered; Annie’s or Mikey’s, as he failed to hit the paddle attacking him on his left and subsequently had to dodge the paper plate covered in custard aimed at his head. He’d initially tried using his claws to block the plates but so much custard still splattered him that now he was doing a Mohammed Ali impersonation, punching, ducking and diving as he crossed the room towards the sound of the giggling. The floor was more slippery than it looked!

The aim of this session was simple. Cross the room, hitting each of the Mobile Mannequin Distractions (or MMD’s for short) as they attacked him from all sides. He had to both avoid being hit himself and his hits had to be either squarely in the chest plate, blocking their ‘rifles’ or fist paddles so they couldn’t bring them to bear on either him or his rescuees. The six Dwarves were playing the hostages in this scenario; insect-like robots (if insects had a single pair of grasshopper legs and multiple manipulator arms) designed by the Challenger-Wildeman family for deploying to their proposed Mars settlement and ‘lent’ to them so they could build the BASEment. He really needed to find out what Adam had said to the family that they’d elected to leave these six with them indefinitely.

Of course, Annie had to program them so they wandered off all the time into the path of ‘danger’ forcing him to round them up whilst also defending them against the encroaching MMD’s. What they hadn’t bothered to tell him before they started was that if he failed to strike the ‘rifles’, fist paddles or chest squarely first time, then he’d be punished with a paper plate covered in yucky custard fired from one of several air cannons hidden round the room. He was NOT cleaning this up afterwards!!! To add to his misery, anytime one of the hostages were hit with custard, they stopped moving and simply screamed until he hit their reset button! This was the work of a sick, demented mind – which of course meant he assumed Annie had put this little torture chamber together in one of her nocturnal wanderings after he’d fallen asleep. Admittedly, Mikey was almost as sociopathic and just as capable.

He had to admit though, his follow-through blows were getting more accurate. He was now up to hitting four or five MMDs in a row before missing. He was also getting better at slicing their armour or rifles with his claws rather than their arms or arteries; the first time he’d sliced an MMD’s arm instead of its weapon, red jam had spurted out. He was becoming convinced that Annie was trying to give him post-traumatic stress disorder. Or possibly diabetes?

His mind wandering, one of the next two MMD’s that attacked him managed to hit him. It was a glancing blow only but it was sufficient; two custard pies headed his way – he managed to dodge the first but the second – aimed lower than all of the previous barrages connected square in the face.

Enough! He did what any normal red-blooded male would do; he burst out laughing as he wiped the yellow goo off his face and out of his eyes and then ran at the big red ‘end-the-session’ button, now decorated with a sticker reading “Don’t Panic”. MMDs were just knocked out of his way as he slammed the button down before any more paper plates of yellow destruction could be dispatched at his position. Some mid-flight plates however did not get the ‘war has ended’ message, hitting and then lazily sliding down Sam’s back, slimy custard getting between the scales.

Annie came out wiping her eyes. Apparently, she was now capable of crying, especially if they were tears of laughter.

“That definitely should be uploaded to YouTube unless..? Ok, reward time. You want me to come with you to this Pub you like, the Endeavour? So, I need to change in order to meet and greet the great and powerful, as well as the mad and the bad, eh? It’s accorded so it’s a good thing I’m shielded against EMP … Ah, I think you’ll need a shower first unless of course dessert really will be on you?” As she spoke, she reached out a finger, took a drop of custard off his chest and sucked it. “What a waste of good custard…” Sam could hear Mikey giggling in the shielded control room.

Sam smirked and blew a whiff of playful fire at the control room window, blacking it out slightly with smoke and ash. He then left the room flicking pudding from himself to the floor. He stole a cheeky peck and began to run for their room, leaving a large smear of custard across Annie’s face, laughing all the way.

It was an hour later when they arrived at the Endeavour. It was still early evening and Sam was wondering about having a couple of drinks first then heading to the Jade Restaurant for a meal. Annie loved Cantonese cooking and had made a deal with Mama Chi that they would visit weekly if possible so that Sam could wish her patrons “Hǎo yùn”; good fortune and in return they’d receive free meals.

They approached the pub with its big frosted windows and walked up to the door. Sam smirked, “I think you and Jack will get on famously and I can’t wait to show you off.” Annie smirked as they stepped through the doors, “So that’s all I am to you is it? Arm candy?” Sam tried to interrupt, “No, no, that’s not what I meant at a–” She continued arguing over him, “You wait Sa…”

Suddenly she seemed to seize up and collapsed mid-sentence, face forward towards the floor. She lay there, unmoving, her skin had hardened and her eyes were open and glazed over. Sam immediately reached down. All of her autonomic systems seemed to have shut down; no pulse, no breathing, no signs of life that he now took for granted her body would mimic. Jack jumped the bar and grabbed Sam. “What happened? Why has she collapsed?”

Sam shoved Jack back gently, causing him to stumble and partially lose his footing. “Sorry- I don’t know! Give her space! This has never happened before.” He paled, as he couldn’t find any of her vital signs responding, utilising the training he learned from her; she was effectively deceased.

It would take at least several minutes of flight to get her back to The BASEment, into the med-bay and hope Frankie can provide a proper diagnosis… or a reboot? Damn, he had no real idea what to do for the best. She didn’t like talking about her new ‘biology’. She was always so blasé, stoic and bulletproof about it all. She once claimed that in the event of a cataclysmic apocalypse that only she and the cockroaches would remain and she’d be their glorious queen.

She hadn’t left him any emergency notes or instructions on what to do in the event of a systems failure; he didn’t even have the extended warranty.

No time for that now, concentrate – he thought to himself. Looking up with a desperate look he thought of only two things: getting her out of there as soon as possible, and maintaining blood flow and her oxygen levels for the brain.

He looked to Jack, “Jack, I need a vehicle, oxygen and possibly a defibrillator, please. I need to start CPR and I can’t stop til’ we get to our home or the ARC facility. She has no vitals. I think it may be the tech-blockers of the pub, I can’t be certain. Go! Now!” He wondered whether to start dragging her outside but felt he had to keep up the CPR first.

With that, and a deep breath, he began his methodical task with the upmost of focus and concentration. He repeated the motions, depress, count, breath, depress, count, breath, he refused to let his mind wander to the dark “what-ifs'” any situation such as this draw up to the surface. Emotional response control is all part of the training, you can’t lose composure or people can die. Depress, count, breath, depress, count, breathe. Annie’s body had hardened so he had to use serious force to maintain resuscitation.

Jack turned and ran for the bar, his limp causing him obvious pain as he reached behind the bar and stumbled around trying to find something, knocking bottles and glasses to the floor.

If this was a practical joke or a bad excuse to get Sam to kiss in public, it certainly has to be one of her cruellest acts yet. As he counted, he scanned the Endeavour looking for volunteers and for help to arrive, but he could not resist the sinking feeling.

“Don’t go, Annie. I can’t lose you again.” Breathe, depress, count…

Abruptly an incorporeal female voice started declaring, “Security alert, security alert. Phase disruption shield deactivated, Meta neutraliser back on line, phase disruption shield is offline, repeat offline.” Jack breathed a deep sigh of relief as he said, “EvE, its deliberate, I’ve deactivated it but continue to monitor and record please.”

Annie’s eyes suddenly shot open and her body rolled over onto her back then sat upright. “Shit, shit, shit, shit! What happened?”

Sam took this as an opportunity to breath a deep sigh of relief and utter “Oh, thank god.” he rolled onto his stomach, covering his watery eyes. He was content to just lay on the floor, breathing shallow. He shook his head slowly.

Jack limped back, towards them. “Sorry, I’ve only ever met one AI before and never expected one to wander into my bar…” Annie stood up, “Not an AI; android body, human brain. So much for my attempt to be treated as a normal human being – thank you, one and all! So, what happened?”

Jack had the decency to look embarrassed as the only other customer in the bar wandered out of the toilets.

“Ah, you sure you’re ok? Sorry about that, my ‘metal’ blockers use phase disruption wave apparatus to block and neutralise  higher technology – it interferes with the control signals and power feeds to weapons and technology-based powers without blocking low powered devices like phones and computers and, usually, life support devices. For phones and computers, I rely on a simple signal blocker and Wi-Fi intercepts so they don’t interfere with essential systems.

The phase disruption must act a bit like Banshee’s insubstantiality works I imagine, though possibly her power will affect all technology including radio signals..?  Ah, you might not want to allow her to phase you if you can avoid it, eh. Anyway, EvE uses a focused phase wave signal to stutter high output generators and cause them to power down. I just never expected an, ah, artificial person to walk into the bar. Worst we’ve ever experienced before was when we froze a cyborg’s limbs and caused a robot to go into standby. I’m really, really sorry…”

Annie looked upset, “So, what now?” The disembodied female voice spoke up before Jack, “I may have a solution. Do you have the ability to modulate the signal frequency of your autonomous and life support systems?” Annie looked around her then muttered, “I probably could, it would require me to fine tune my systems and possibly fit a bypass modulator – how wide is the disruption signal? Ah, just for the record who are you anyway?”

Suddenly a hologram of a slim, exotic and costumed dark haired female avatar appeared in front of them, “sorry, I’m EvE, an artificial person who previously supported and worked with the Protectors. Since their disappearance I have elected to, I believe the correct term is ‘lodge’ with both Jack and Alex… timesharing my personality. I set up the Accord protocols for his retirement hobby; this place. I am aware of your existence from your exploits online and your attempts to create your own AI; designation Frankie; a valiant effort given your primitive technology… I was not aware that you had elected to personally upgrade. I can narrow the signals to provide you with a working bandwidth.”

Sam, lifting a single finger, unmoved from lying face down on the floor and offered a desperate, muffled “Nice-to-meet-you!” Calm down the thought, he was still excessively hyperventilating.

Jack stumbled back over to the bar and pulled up a bottle that had been knocked sideways during his earlier, frantic attempt to switch off the 3m neutraliser, poured himself a triple and proceeded to down it in one.  He then turned to Annie and Sam, “I am so, so sorry. Ah, any chance you can phone me in future and I can switch off the tech blocker before you arrive, at least until you and EvE can work out a security bypass for your essential systems. In the meantime drinks are on me.”

Annie walked over to the bar, picked up a glass and his bottle and poured herself a drink, “well, add accorded premises to my ‘Annie beware’ list along with active MRI’s. So Jack, you want to tell me how you became landlord to an artificial intelligence? What’s her Hawking’s rating anyway..?”

EvE interrupted, “My rating is beyond the scale you humans use, as for the timeshare? I got lonely, I need companionship and Jack was always one of my favourites. Annie, do you want to meet up online or do you want me to publicly announce now a bypass frequency?”

Annie agreed to meet up online in a security chatroom the following day and discuss the best way to arrange a solution. Then, before she could continue the conversation, EvE vanished. Jack smiled, “She does that, now and then. Ah, it’s obvious you can drink, what would you like me to pour you as my abject apology..?”

Sam shook himself and stood from his stupor. He waded foggily to the bar, sitting next to Annie who was already helping herself to her favourite cocktail, not looking particularly impressed with the trip so far. Sam however, was pale and exhausted and entirely not his typical happy-go-lucky self.

“Gold flak’, Jack.” He shook his head and peered at the continuous mystery woman that was Annie. He wondered if this was how she felt whenever he got knocked out, or put in harm’s way? He felt so helpless to help her, she was so much more advanced and brighter than he ever was or will be. It was all so complicated. She’s so complicated.

The drink slammed onto the counter, distracting Sam from his train of thought. The force caused it to spill upwards and back onto itself dramatically, without spilling onto the bar. He wore an extended, concerned frown. He took the drink back without missing a beat or flinching to the sound of quiet blues in the background.

“You know, if the wind changes, your face will get stuck like that, kill-joy.” she said non-nonchalantly.

He dragged a paw slowly across his expression, relaxing the tense, locked muscles whether he liked it or not.

“I love you, but you terrify me sometimes. You do know that don’t you?” he offered rhetorically, not expecting an answer. He didn’t want to make a scene, but it needed to be said. He wasn’t speaking entirely about that unexpected shut-down either.

He scanned the room, rather than locking eye contact, looking the single other patron for a moment (asides the now announced EvE).

“This isn’t quite how I thought tonight was going to go. I’m sorry. We can go, if you like? There’s other pubs, that and I don’t quite feel like challenging you to pool or darts…” He sighed.

“Did you want to find a booth somewhere and just talk for a little while?” he offered, almost pleading.

“What? Nothing to talk about, Sam. Just a security coding issue to be resolved very shortly. It’s fine, I’m fine. It’s one-and-zero and version upgrade stuff, you wouldn’t understand history-geek.” she pecked him on the cheek sweetly. “Jack, another hit!” she pointed at his empty glass.

He breathed in to raise a minor rebellion of his own, but sighed and withdrew, nodding gratefully for the newly served beverage.

Annie triumphantly held up her Long Island Iced Tea, “the most superior of cocktails.” and Sam lofted his gold-leaf. “Cheers.” She said, looking intent and determined as the glasses clinked.

Sam said nothing and drank wearily. It was a reminder that his Annie hadn’t undergone a Pinocchio transformation into a real woman after all and he had to make sure he never forgot that.