Superhero Adventures, UK Style

Jeeves was a man who had been used to being in control of all aspects of his life. The hellspawn creatures that now plagued his mind had taken that away from him. From living in castles and mansions (admittedly in the servant’s quarters) to living on the street had been the final straw to his self-respect.

A gentleman’s gentleman, from a long and distinguished line of gentleman’s gentleman, to a drunk schizophrenic (or perhaps that should be shitszophrenic?) at one point living in a cardboard box under a bridge.

With his little terrier Rascal by his side, the only one of his former acquaintances to still want to be near him, he’d drifted quickly into a life of drink and degradation once the ‘curse had come upon him’. Then Mary, Madam Weirdigan rather, had come along, someone who’d apparently lived on the streets for decades and she had gathered up what remained of his self-worth and found him a home and a renewed sense of identity amongst the street people she protected. It hadn’t taken him long to work out that not only was she the owner of container town but a genuine (in every sense of the word) superhero as well.

Now, several months later and sober for the better part of six months, the voices still plagued him incessantly but he’d found a way to deal; a memory from oh so long ago – a mantra and breathing technique he’d learnt abroad whilst fighting the Tcho-Tcho natives in Asia in his youth, as an elite member of her Majesty’s SAS.

He focused. His mind sharpened and cut through the taunting voices and psychic claws that tore at his mind. He had a show to perform and his constant ‘critics’ would have to wait their turn.  He stood near to Port Meadows famous fountains and started his spiel…

“Ladies, Gentlemen and gentlebeings” (this with a flourish of this bowler as it fell from his head, rolled down his arm into his hand as he bowed low to the children and dogs. People began to slow down or stop and watch. Some with an expectant smile on their face; Jeeves was a regular here and popular. “I come to entertain,” a bunch of artificial flowers appeared in his empty hands, “to please the senses and bring smiles to those who have momentarily forgotten how…”

He dropped his bowler hat and Rascal immediately grabbed the brim and standing on his hind legs wandered the crowd begging for money whilst Edward Jeeves esquire began his act; making coins disappear, changing pound coins into pennies and producing a long string of hankies from a young child’s ear.

It was traditional street magic, most centuries old, but performed with flair and a smile that brought forth smiles and gentile clapping in return.

As he performed, almost automatically he scanned the crowd. He saw three youth pushing their way through towards him. The AML tattoo on the arm of the leader merely confirmed what he already knew – they were thugs, brutes, probably with the West-X6 posse and out for trouble. Their presence was enough for the gathered crowd to start to quickly disperse. Gathering his things he had to decide should he vanish into the crowd with his takings for the morning or..?

The fact that the leader, a scrawny youth of about 19 in a leather jacket with a cigarette hanging from his sneering lips, grabbed at a young woman he recognised; Ace, made the decision for him.

His gathered a handful of low denomination coins from the hat and told Rascal to stay, he advanced through the crowd towards the youths who were taunting Ace with crude and unseemly suggestions. Standing in front of the leader, he reached out with his empty right hand and placed it on the ‘leader’s’ arm. “Please desist from annoying this young lady sir”. “What’s it to you’s Gram’pa?” he went to swipe Jeeves hand away only to find his wrist grabbed by that same hand and a little pressure applied in an upward motion twisting the wrist and forcing him to his knees in utter agony. “I did say please.” The two others immediately went to rush him and Jeeves knew he was too old and to out of condition for a street brawl with all three of them.

He was about to be beaten up but if Ace got away; it would be worth it… “Run” he whispered to a startled Ace, “now!”, signalling for Rascal to follow her, and with that he kicked away the other arm of the man he held so he tumbled forward further into the wrist hold and then started to flick the coins in his other hand in a steady stream into the faces of the two men rushing him. Their satisfactory screams as the coins cut into their faces and bruised eyes ended too quickly but at least the young lady had got away… Hopefully Rascal would follow?

He prepared himself for his beating when, suddenly and without warning,  one of the thugs advancing on him found himself floating uncontrollably into the air, the other found his fist effectively barred by a very pretty and extremely determined young lady in long black hair. He recognised her as the young lady who’d visited with Mary only a short time ago… A Ms Van Helsing wasn’t it? He looked up as the floating youth suddenly rediscovered the attraction of gravity and dropped 20 feet to the ground. Behind the fallen (and now screaming) youth, with his hand raised (and the other discretely behind his back) stood Akira. He nodded to Jeeves and spun round on his heel ready to take out the other youth only to smile as Naomi raised the 18 stone man effortlessly off the ground one-handed and pinched down on his carotid arteries, rendering him unconscious.

Beautiful AND inhumanly strong? When had this become the norm in his life? “Thank you sir, madam for your prompt assistance.”

That only left the man he held, screaming obscenities. Jeeves smiled and with his now empty left hand he emulated Ms Van Helsing’s methodology and pinched shut momentarily the obnoxious young man’s carotid arteries rendering him unconscious.

Whilst Akira contacted the Police (and rendered the young man with the now sprained ankles also unconscious as a mercy), Jeeves approached the young lady to thank her for her timely intervention. She smiled at him, “actually it was you I came to see. I have something for you and I would be grateful if you would accept a small gift from an admirer..?” With that she produced a small silver-looking bracelet. “As a favour to me, would you possibly put this on your right wrist?”

He looked at the oddly, almost organic-shaped bracelet with its carved pattern. That star-like carving reminded him of similar carvings on the ancient temples he’d visited in Asia; the one’s the Tcho-Tcho natives had tried so hard to destroy. “Thank you but I couldn’t possibly accept…” Naomi reached out a slim finger and put it to his lips. “You would not be so ungentlemanly as to refuse a young lady would you?” Again she smiled and Jeeves realised that though his body was elderly, his mind was still that of a young man who could so easily fall in love with those eyes… Think Daughter, she’s young enough to be… <Whore! Harlot!> The voices, previously pushed to the back of mind, now let forth with a catalogue of obscene suggestions.

He again began the mantra in his mind as he put forth his left wrist. “No silly, it must be the right!” Naomi slapped the wrist away and gently but firmly reached over and pulled his right wrist out and placed the amulet on it, closing the clasp. As she did so, she whispered something he couldn’t understand and smiled.

From where he stood, Akira got a psychic shock as whatever she had placed on the old man’s wrist flared into life. It was like a blood transfusion for the soul as mystical light flowed from the amulet throughout his body. The old man’s aura flared and shadows scattered.

Jeeves suddenly found that the voices that had haunted his every moment were suddenly pushed into the recesses of his active mind.  It was as though someone had placed a light inside him that chased the beasts away into the shadows. They were still there, lurking, ready to pounce but they were like distant voices, mumbling unintelligently rather than their more normal roaring threats.

“How, what..?” Naomi reached over and took his hand once more. “Think of it as an ancient form of neural inhibitor. It reduces the wavelengths that the beasties use to annoy you, so instead of constant communication it sorts of randomly scrambles the channels so they have to retune…” Jeeves eyes rose and he stuttered “How did you know about..?”

“Thank your friends. Now this amulet will randomly reset so if they do manage to retune in, it should only be for a few hours at most before it scrambles again. Its’ not perfect and but until we find a better solution…”

Edward Jeeves fell to his knees as Rascal, realising something had changed, rushed into his lap and started licking his face in joy. Naomi turned to Akira who’d been listening in. “He mustn’t lose the amulet – it should be effective for a few months at least, maybe even a few years if what haunts him are really dumb brutes. Long enough for you to see if you can find something more permanent hopefully?”

“What did you do?” Akira was fascinated by the object. “Long ago some monks bound a spell into the matrix of the amulet and powered it up with life force. I’ve had it a very long time and never found a need, or use, for it – until now. What he needs now is something to help rebuilt his self-worth. Know of any job openings for a gentleman’s (and ladies’) gentleman?” She smiled “I understand his resume is rather extensive and he is a apparently a cordon bleu chef on top of it all and I believe his last employer was also a vegetarian for a couple of years so he is extremely talented in that department too.”